Sick of Racing the Clock

I am sick. Again.

So far this year I've had pneomonia, a sinus infection, and now strep and tonsilitis. Each time I've gotten sick right after a long workout. It kinda sucks.

It also reminds me that as much as I'd like to believe I've gotten better about balancing and scaling things so that I don't create new ends of the candle to burn, I might not have made quite enough progress yet. Especially on the setting boundaries, not taking on new stuff fronts.

The thing is I LOVE taking on new stuff. I love helping people. I love learning new stuff. I love challenges. And I love parenting at this stage, even though it means a lot more running around and logistical backbends.

So ironically, what's had to go is training. Not the rehab training, because without 2x a week of that I'll quickly end up injured again...which is even worse than sick.

No, its the 3rd run, the long bike, the overdistance in the pool....everything gets cut down or eliminated. And when it doesn't, I get sick and miss three days in a row instead. Which means that - because I'm not getting enough sleep and keep getting sick, I'm going to have to cut back training even more.

Sigh.

I'm going to get beat because of these facts. But I might be able to determine exactly how little training one can do and still finish an Ironman in one piece. That's valuable information, no?

I'm not really ok with that, being a competitive bugger, but I'm strangely at peace with my choices this go around. Last time I did Ironman, I trained a lot more (like about 8 hours a week more), but I remember feeling like I really sucked as a mom.

Not because I was off training. I don't believe that children need to be with their mothers 24 hours a day and I trained while they were in pre-school or with their dad.

No, I felt like a terrible mother because I didn't know what the hell I was doing. And because I wasn't great with babies. And because I didn't WANT to sit on the floor and play with playdough. I was tired of all the crying and diapers and anxiety about milestones and safety. You get the picture.

I spent many a long run or ride sorting out how to tackle various parenting issues that nagged me. How to respond to temper tantrums. How to keep from having temper tantrums myself. You know. Stuff like that.

This time around, working full time during the hours the kids are at school, I shoehorn in workouts early in the morning before they get up and late at night after they go to bed. They get done around the hockey games, the violin lessons, the nature hikes, the reading time. Not because they HAVE to, but because I want to be with my kids when I can.

Now long runs and rides are still good for my head, but in a different way. Now I sort through my children's problems, more so than my own. What to do with the bully at school. How to pick and choose activities. What really matters in terms of achievement versus childhood.

Where I had to strain to be a merely competent mom of 1 and 3 year-olds, come to find out I'm a pretty darn good mom of 6 and 8 year-olds. My kids have had their struggles this year, like all years, but they are coming out thriving, and it seems like I'm making mostly right decisions as their mom.

A lot of it has to do with the confidence that comes from doing a job for almost 9 years. But much of it also stems from the fact that Morgan and Sam are their own people now. They are GREAT people. And I'm facinated watching them move to center stage, while Pete and I start to take a back seat and watch them begin to run their own shows. I don't want to waste a minute of that show, which seems to be going by faster and faster.

Being a mom wasn't something for which I was trained or educated. But I've always felt that since having kids, parenting was my number one job...my primary responsibility. Having a meaningful career that provided both inspiration and finances for my family was nearly as important, and I'm grateful to have exactly that.

Meanwhile, triathlon isn't a job at all...its just a hobby. It's a hobby I love, and a challenge that continues to exhilarate AND frustrate me. It's benefits - like fitness, and costs - like time, are many.

But I think the greatest training I get out of this sport isn't for my body, its for my mind. And it isn't about toughness, instead its about being happy with giving something less than my best in something that I care about, but I don't care about MOST. And then learning to live with the results.

Those results may look very poor on the clock at the finish line. They'll look damn good, though, when I race the clock of my kids growing up. Hopefully they'll help my immunity too ;)

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